so today i hung out with Chris! i fucking missed that girl and i didn't realize how much until today. i thought she might flake out or that i wasn't going to have fun but i'm sooo glad that everything worked out. lunch at mrs.knotts chicken place, then huntington beach main st., and afterwards the Block where i had an amazing (amazingly hard, that is) candy apple. i'm writing this in here because i don't want to forget today, it was great. but i did some of my worst driving ever. WORST EVER.

Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me sometimes, but it's just on the cheek
You pull away so easily

And I still call you, but I get your machine
And I still call you, but I get your machine
And if I'm lucky I guess, I get your roommate answering
But you're at the bar, or at Gene's

And we go to dinner, but you won't hold my hand
We sit at the same table, but we don't play with our feet
Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss
When the waitress turns around

And we still watch movies, but we don't share the couch
And we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch
Yeah, we still watch movies sometimes, but you don't lay in my lap
The plot is slow, take a nap

And you even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you'll even sleep over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes
I'm only there so that you're not alone

And you say that I hurt you, in a voice like a prayer
Yeah, you say that I've hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer
Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let's contrast and compare
Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there

I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies
I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies
Yeah, your kind of truth, darling, is just the ghost of your lies
I see through them all the time
So I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm gonna get drunk
Yeah, I'm pouring myself some whiskey, I'm going to get really fucking drunk
I'm pouring some whiskey right now, I'm going to get so, so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up.
 

Current Mood: confused

what's a nice way to say "you're a dick"?!

Current Mood: pissed off

Lately, I've been very antsy but for the most part I've been on my best behavior. I brought the plant to Nick's parents' house. It was awful, I had no idea I would feel that bad. I got to the door and I could barely speak. My mouth opened but I had nothing to say. It was a good thing his mom was not there, she might have cried and then I might have cried and it would have been a big mess and the entire point of the visit would have been lost. At the very least, I liked the plant I picked.

So afterwards I wanted to see someone and possibly do something to make me feel a little bit better. I decided to pull over and call Brian since I was headed towards Carson anyway. That was a mistake; of course, he had plans. I felt crushed; I hope my voice didn't give me away over the phone. I wish I could have told him what I had just done and how I felt and then maybe things would have gone differently. I wish he knew what a big deal it was for me to call him. So all in all, Tuesday was not a good night.
 
Yep...oh yeah last Friday was pretty crummy too. It makes me remember why Ryan and I aren't very good friends/friends at all. Nothing really happened I just feel like it was a waste of gas and I would say that's a pretty lame evening if it's considered a waste of gas. But, I did find out he keeps some very interesting old friends. It makes me wonder if she knows the real-schmuck version of him. I think she would be surprised about a lot of things. Hmm...she will know someday. I'm sure of it.

Current Location: dining room
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: jimmy's AC

so today at work E was acting very shady to me. i know i messed things up and i was inappropriate but that doesn't mean we should stop being friends, does it? everyone makes mistakes.  :] after work, things were much better though. E, Anna, and I went to chili's for dinner. it was yum and i had a lot of fun. i love that i can be dead honest with these people and feel free to call someone a "cuntface" if i feel like it which this girl totally is. oy how i love work friends. after that anna and i went to her apt for a few mins and then she took me home. all in all, not a bad day. it was also nice to just talk music with brian on my break. we have a lot of similar interests and it was refreshing because i don't know very many people who have a like a lot of the same artists that i do. anyway, enough rambling time to take care of business and look up my school books. grrr....i'm excited for fall though. i really am.  :]

Current Mood: content
Current Music: jack johnson-belle

i say "no more"! i was going to write a long and boring entry about how mad i am but i have decided against it. i'm having a crappy day - it happens. the boy i have been obsessed with since i started is gay. well there goes that. plus i like someone i don't want to like. it's a crush, i don't want a relationship but I WANT HIM. enough said...goodnight livejournal peeps.

Current Mood: annoyed

maybe i'll get to a point in life where i'm old enough to say "2007 wasn't a very good year anyway" just like my dad said a few months ago about 1975. i'll let you all know in 33 years.

Current Mood: upset

 i am so annoyed. so annoyed!  nuff said.

Current Mood: annoyed

so time for a recap....i really can't remember much of the last few weeks but this weekend really sucked. friday, he decides to stop by since he was in the neighborhood. what a fucker... in the end, he ended up apologizing for being a horrible friend for so long. i was feeling pretty ballsy during this whole scene so i got the answers to all the questions i wanted to know. i believe that was the last hoorah for us, i don't consider him a friend and he in turn cannot promise not to be an asshole so there it is. 

i decided to call nick after this whole discussion becaue i had decided that i wanted us to be together and i wanted him to move down here after all. this conversation didn't end up happening until sometime saturday evening. the problem with getting back together is that both parties involved have to want it. well in this particular scenario only one person wants it (me) which means that it is not going to happen. 
he doesn't feel we should be together and he is not moving back to l.a.


so there you have it folks...he won the war.

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: cleo...argh!

youth is wasted on the young.

Current Mood: uncomfortable

I AM SO FUCKING BORED RIGHT NOW!
LET'S SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME, SO FUCKING BORED!!!!!!!!!!

on an unrelated note, he blew me off tonight. however, i saw it coming as soon as i heard my text message noise at about 3 pm. didn't really bother me which is awesome.

and one more thing, i will not call him.

Current Mood: bored